slow down the time

Absolutely mad.  Paris and Venice trip was awesome, but if you want stories (of which i have many) then ask me. Not that anyone really reads this; this is purely for my venting purposes i suppose. 

I feel really weird tonight. Just watched American History X and its made me feel so weird about life! Like yeaaah all the racial stuff is thought provoking...but mainly i just thought about growing up and having to make my own personal decisions and forming my own opinions based on my thoughts and ideas...not those of my family or friends. Soon i'm going to have to stand up for what i believe in, and have to actually know what i'm talking about. I'm good at making it seem like i know what i'm talking about. It must be nice to actually know. Comforting that even if you lose the argument, you KNOW you are right. Where as generally i just get thoroughly pissed off, not because i've suffered a great injustice over what i'm fighting for...but merely just cause i'm wrong and my opinion didn't rule. I am pathetic and immature like that and i guess i pretend not to be. I don't even know. 

..but that's mainly over stupid things like what fake tan smells worst and whether or not salad is a vegetable (its fucking not.) Never really over the things i really believe in, because i know everything there is to know about those things. I hate when people think i'm unintelligent. Somehow i give out the impression that i am stupid and easily manipulated and you can shove your ideas down my throat. I hate feeling patronised. I am not stupid and you are no better than me regardless of what you claim to be or do. You have your field, i have mine; neither is superior nor inferior. And to think that your knowledge spans over into my own? To be good at one thing is to be good at one thing. It does not make you rise above all others. Go away.

Saying that, i suppose i've contradicted myself. I do have my own opinions, which largely disagree with that of my family and friends. I don't know, maybe i'm wrong. But the amount of discussions i have with people and come away pretty annoyed and unfulfilled..i guess that means something. I like disagreeing, it's more fun. But definitely never that rewarding. 

I just wish i knew about politics. I know i'm conservative blah blah blah. i hate the BNP and all that. But i wish i really knew. I wish i knew and could stand up and really believe in what i spoke about. Instead i just get pissed when people vote for labour, and then never really know how to follow through after i've questioned it.

I need to chill out.